I've been 'round for a long time
And I learned along the way:
If you wanna go on the radio
There are words you just can't say!
Well, I thought hard about it
And I found a way around it
Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.
Sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, man, won't you give me a hand
And say the words I can't?
Sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.

Down in carolina
I met a girl with a nice [...]
And I reached down between us
And I whipped out my [...]
Skipped right past the suckin'
And got right down to [...]
She turned and said: "I gotta ask,
Would you slip it into my [...]?"
Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.
Sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, man, won't you give me a hand
And say the words I can't?
Sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.

Her husband was a trucker
He was a filthy mother[...]
Didn't wanna wrestle
With this no-good stinkin' [...]
I heard him come through the kitchen door
When I was bangin' his filthy [...]
I knew I'd end up in a ditch
If he caught me ridin' his [...]
Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.
Sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Come on, man, won't you give me a hand
And say the words I can't?
Sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.

"mercy, please!" I told him,
But then he grabbed me by the [...]
And he did something heinous
He exposed his [...]
I said "I don't mean to seem crass,
But why are you buttering up your [...]?"
He said "my wife's a beard, and she lured you here.
'cause I'm queer and I love it in the [...]"
Help me go on the radio and say the words I can't.
Sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song that ain't.
Thank you, man, for lending a hand.
And saying the words I can't.
You have to sing along to make this song
The dirtiest song,
The filthiest song,
The dirtiest song that ain't.